Finding REAL LOVE in an Unreal World

Finding REAL LOVE in an Unreal World

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Finding REAL LOVE in an Unreal World 

There is no shortage of persons who speak of "love." There is no shortage of people who believe they know what it is until they are asked to define it. 

There is no shortage of persons who also believe that they can spot what others think is love but is not (i.e., "Damnation, she's such a fool. That guy doesn't love her-he's just using her"). 

Furthermore, there is no shortage of persons who mistake sexual activity for "love" or for a "show of love," (i.e., "If you really love me, you'll do it"). 

There is no shortage of the use of the phrase "I love you," but there is a shortage of those who mean what they say or even have the slightest clue about what the difference is between what is taken to be "love" but is not REAL LOVE at all. 

Nor is there a shortage of those who do not know that (a) the "world" as they see it is not real or (b) that the beliefs that they hold to be true are completely unreal. 

This book will use Advaitin pointers to differentiate false "love" from REAL LOVE and to discuss the "love-fear" connection; how to avoid the constant cycling in "relationships" between "magnificent feelings" and "horrendous feelings"; and how to find REAL LOVE in an unreal world. 

Persons desiring to know what love is might benefit more (relatively speaking, of course) if they were able to understand what love is not. 

An Excerpt from FINDING REAL LOVE 

FINDING REAL LOVE can means finding it in the relationship that you are already in 


What persons call "love" is the most magnificent experience of all; it is also the most horrendous experience of all. With such duality, how can that possibly be taken for the real? As for feeling or emotion, if love happens as a feeling, take the ride and watch the feelings rise and fall; if love happens as an emotion-that is, if it is being "experienced" by a person in an ego-state-prepare for war. 

Persons desiring to know what love is might benefit more (relatively speaking, of course) if they were able to understand what love is not. 


An Analysis of "LOVE" vs. "love" using Advaitin Understandings 

"Commonly-Held but False Beliefs" 

It was once asked, "Can True Love really exist, or is that just a concept, too?" Consider: In the seeking of the "True Self," the teacher never begins with a direct answer of the question. Instead, the process begins with finding the false selves. 

Apply that to the question to determine the approach that should be used regarding finding the answers to such questions as "Is there such a thing as 'True Love?" and "If there is True Love, how is it to be defined?" 

The Advaita approach never begins by offering a seeker the truth or "The Truth." The approach involves presenting facts or pointers and inviting the seeker to question the commonly-held opinions and concepts on the topic under discussion. That is followed by an invitation to the seeker to go into the silence and to focus on the pointers. The seeker is encouraged to question old ideas and then to allow the realization of truth to come from within. Erroneous beliefs that are "commonly-held" represent one of the greater obstacles to finding truth. 

Regarding all "commonly-held" beliefs (and certainly including those around "love), relate the following to this topic: 

Several years ago when Advaita sessions were being conducted in a home in south Texas, a woman from St. Louis, Missouri attended a few sessions. In one session, an Advaitan shared the findings of a recent study that traced the roots of the god of Abraham directly to the mythological god Zeus. A few weeks later, there was an e-mailed received from a woman named "Cassandra" in St. Louis whose friend had attended that session. 

She wrote to say, "You and that other man who talked about Zeus should realize that millions of people cannot be wrong [her "bold"]. 

The response: "I agree with you completely. In fact, billions and trillions have been wrong. Millions believed the earth to be flat; millions believed the sun revolved around the earth; millions believed 400 years ago that an entire race of people in the three "Americas" should be annihilated; and sixty-five years ago, millions in one country in Europe also believed that an entire race should be annihilated. I invite you to enter the silence, contemplate those facts, review your belief that 'millions can't be wrong,' and see what comes to you in the quiet." 

The pattern is seen: facts were presented, the seeker was invited to question her belief, received a suggestion to go into the silence and to focus on the pointers, and was invited to question old ideas and then see the falsehood of the belief on her own from within. 

In this book, such topics as "The Challenges of Trying to Define 'True Love'," "The Search for a Unified Definition of 'True Love' in a Realm of Multiplicities," "Differentiating 'Feelings' and 'Emotions' in Regards to Love," and other related subjects shall be discussed. 

The reader is invited to consider current beliefs that are a part of the pool of "commonly-held" beliefs and determine if other views might be more accurate or lead to an understanding of the truth regarding the subject matter of this books. Regards. 


(Part One: The Challenges of Trying to Define "True Love") 

To begin in the usual Advaitin fashion, certain facts will be presented to start the process of finding the false in order for the truth to come. In the eBook 


some facts are included that bare witness to what is really happening around the issue of relationships in the U.S. and what many are calling "True Love": 

1. While the divorce rate held steady at 50% for years, the most recent statistics show that the rate is now approaching 62% for first marriages and 76% for second. Those numbers are a totally heterosexual statistic. Wherefore any "sanctity of marriage" among them? [The rate has currently fallen back to about 50% as the result of economic hard times which prevent some from divorcing.] 

2. 59% of all women killed in urban areas are killed by a mate during a breakup. 

3. 41% of the men killed in urban areas are killed by a mate during a breakup. 

4. 60% of males and 40% of females (50% on average is reported) will have an affair during their marriages. 

The 50% on average who are having affairs claim they "love the person in their primary relationship." The 50% on average who are killing each other during breakups "professed their love" and promised "to love eternally" the ones they would later kill. (Well, it did say, " 'Til death do us part," didn't it?) 

So the invitation for today is this: write a statement in which you define what you believe "True Love" is, what you believe it looks like-or should look like-in your "relationships," and then list some examples of what you believe love in action should look like. Then, take the facts above and your definition of love and your examples of love in action and ask, "Is all of what I believe about 'True Love' really the truth?" and "Is it possible that commonly-held concepts about what 'True Love' is are in error?" and "Is it possible that all of the concepts I've held about 'True Love' up to this point might be completely wrong?" 


(Part Two: What Love Is NOT) 

As noted, the Advaita approach never attempts to express the truth or to name the real. Words are used as pointers along the way, yes, but upon Full Realization, all use of words ends and the bliss of the silence begins. In this regard, Advaitins agree with Taoism's points that the truth that can be expressed is not the eternal truth and that any name which can be uttered is not the name of THAT Which Is Real. 

Among persons, words and labels are used to separate and to differentiate, and both separation and differentiation are in opposition to the Advaita understanding of "not two." Yet to reach the no-word and no-name and no-mind state, words and names must be used during the initial stages of the "journey." 

But with the Advaita Teaching, words are used to point first to what is NOT, never initially to What Is. The Realized Advaitan knows that truth cannot be found by beginning with a search for truth. 

When every lie is seen to be a lie, when every concept is seen to be false, when all worldly and spiritual knowledge is seen to be nothing more than learned ignorance, at that point the truth will explode into awareness like gunpowder touched with a spark. 

The approach to "seek first the false" applies to all topics raised by seekers, so the same approach will be used as we begin the discussion of "True Love." So, what is love NOT? 

1. Is it possible that love is NOT the love-to-be that ego-states experience? The "husband" "loves-to-be husband" so much that when "wife" reports that she is leaving, 59% in urban areas kill the partner intent upon leaving. When awareness of the True Self is lost below the layers of personas that persons wrongly take to be who they are, then a threat to an ego-state will be mistaken for an actual threat. The result is that the person (in this example "husband") can believe so strongly that he is being attacked that he is driven to strike in "self-defense" (specifically, in "defense of his false self"). 

2. Is it possible that love is NOT the love-of-self that drives persons to seek "a compatible partner"? Many heterosexual persons actually want an opposite-sex version of themselves. Many homosexual persons want a same-sex version of themselves. 

Persons are so in love with themselves-with their false "selves" and false identities-that they believe (subconsciously) that they can only be happy if they find other persons to associate with who mirror them...who think as they think, feel as they feel, and believe as they believe. Any deviation from that pattern will be grounds for war, either among individuals or among individuals comprising nations. 

Arrogant nations evidence the belief with proclamations such as: "You need to follow our political system" (e.g., "democracy"); "you need to adopt our economic system" (e.g., "capitalism"); and "you need to adopt our religious beliefs" (e.g. "our Christian beliefs, our Islamic beliefs," etc.) 

3. Is it possible that love in NOT "the missing ingredient in your life" that can bring you happiness if attained? All absence of happiness and all presence of misery is rooted in perceptions of need, in desires, and in fears. Try to name another area that generates more desire or more fear than "love." Try to name anything else sought out so vigorously in order to meet perceived needs (that are not truly needs at all but are merely more "wants"). Few areas of your relative existence have superseded "love" in fostering desire, fear, short-term happiness, and long-term misery. In this regards, pause for a moment to contemplate the consideration offered at the beginning of this book: 

What persons call "love" is the most magnificent experience of all; it is also the most horrendous experience of all. With such duality, how can that possibly be taken for the real? As for feeling or emotion, if love happens as a feeling, take the ride and watch the feelings rise and fall; if love happens as an emotion-that is, if it is being "experienced" by a person in an ego-state-prepare for war. 

4. Is it possible that love is NOT the gateway to having your needs and wishes met? Your needs are perceived and the actual driving force behind your desires cannot be seen until well along the path to realization. 

5. Is it possible that love is NOT a tool to be used for manipulation of "others" or "another" to gain more or to satisfy a sense of entitlement...the sense that one is entitled to be taken care of or that one deserves more than he/she has? Happiness begins when the search for more goes and a contentment with less comes. Happiness becomes fixed when nothing is desired. It reaches a new height during AS IF living when the Void is enjoyed. It reaches the ultimate bliss after it is seen that the Void IS the fullness. 

The list and discussions continue in the book 


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